kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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