hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How's work?
Spinning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
