it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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