Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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