shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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