All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's shark week go big or go home
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
