i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
