so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
