I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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