you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He passed out mid-signature
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
