Do vagina's smell?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He shit in the fireplace
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
