I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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