a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The adults are the big ones right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
