We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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