Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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