well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
