someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
