yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
