$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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