those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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