i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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