I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
