I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
