Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Come see our sink grown plant.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think my moral compass just broke
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