yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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