I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
