I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
