I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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