She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize