My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
