Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
