I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
