I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
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Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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