mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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