Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
