No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize