Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
