he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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