I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
