Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Randomize
