I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
