Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
