I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
