fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
