I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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