drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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