i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
