I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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