LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
