I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
