So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize