I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
