Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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