Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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