I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
