I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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