We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
4 words: hood of his car
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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