mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
