jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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