I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's just like the Real World with babies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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