seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
