You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
