I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
