guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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