i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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