My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
