yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
