Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
